Why can’t I just be okay with who I am. I don’t understand why I’m not.
Yet again, there’s every reason not to be.

This was dumb.

Whenever I make a post that has something to do with being ugly or insecure about my appearance, I get all these asks (anon and not) telling me I’m not and that I’m pretty or whatever. It’s so frustrating because I really don’t like people sending me pity messages. But then again, I guess some part of me wants the pity if I’m putting it online for all to see.

Fair warning, this is dumb

Somehow over the years, Nutella has become a symbol for me. I can’t even think of eating it without considering how in appealing I look and how hopeless my worries are. So anytime I eat it, you’ll know I’m in a fairly heavy state of self-deprecative thoughts and severely lacking self-esteem. I managed to eat half a jar this weekend, simply because I lost the will to care. I’m currently finding it very hard to keep my sense of hope and self-esteem to even a level of what might be considered below average.

I don’t really have anything to say about that, I’m just forcing myself to post about it.

I found a neat list of character flaws, so i posted the ones that apply to me, bolding specificly how the trait manifests itself in me.

• Absentminded- Preoccupied to the extent of being unaware of one’s immediate surroundings. Abstracted, daydreaming, inattentive, oblivious, forgetful.
• Anxious- Full of mental distress or uneasiness because of fear of danger or misfortune; greatly worried; solicitous.
• Blunt- Characterized by directness in manner or speech; without subtlety or evasion. Frank, callous, insensitive, brusque.
• Callous- They are hardened to emotions, rarely showing any form of it in expression. Unfeeling. Cold.
• Complex- An exaggerated or obsessive concern or fear (I have a lot, and each of them bugs the crap out of me).
• Cruel- Mean to anyone or anything, without care or regard to consequences and feelings.
• Envious- Showing extreme cupidity; painfully desirous of another’s advantages; covetous, jealous.
• Fanaticism- Fanatic outlook or behavior especially as exhibited by excessive enthusiasm, unreasoning zeal, or wild and extravagant notions on some subject.
• Finicky- Excessively particular or fastidious; difficult to please; fussy. Too much concerned with detail. Meticulous, fastidious, choosy, critical, picky, prissy, persnickety.
• Gluttonous- Given to excess in consumption of especially food or drink. Voracious, ravenous, wolfish, piggish, insatiable.
• Hard- A person who is difficult to deal with, manage, control, overcome, or understand. Hard emotions, hard hearted.
• Hypocritical- One who is always contradicting their own beliefs, actions or sayings. A person who professes beliefs and opinions for others that he does not hold. Being a hypocrite.
• Indecisive- Characterized by lack of decision and firmness, especially under pressure.
• Liar- Compulsively and purposefully tells false truths more often than not. A person who has lied or who lies repeatedly.
• Obsessive- An unhealthy and compulsive preoccupation with something or someone. (OCD bro)
• Overambitious- Having a strong excessive desire for success or achievement.
• Paranoid- Exhibiting or characterized by extreme and irrational fear or distrust of others.
• Pest- One that pesters or annoys, with or without realizing it. Nuisance. Annoying. Nag.
• Perfectionist- A propensity for being displeased with anything that is not perfect or does not meet extremely high standards.
• Proud- Filled with or showing excessive self-esteem, and will often shirk help from others for the sake of pride.
• Remorseless- Without remorse; merciless; pitiless; relentless.
• Selfish- Concerned chiefly or only with oneself.
• Smart Ass- Thinks they know it all, and in some ways they may, but they can be greatly annoying and difficult to deal with at times, especially in arguments.
• Theatrical- Having a flair for over dramatizing situations, doing things in a ‘big way’ and love to be ‘center stage’.
• Ugly- Very unattractive or unpleasant to look at; offensive to the sense of beauty; displeasing in appearance. Uncomely, unsightly, unlovely, homely.
• Untrustworthy- Not worthy of trust or belief. Backstabber.
• User- A person who uses something or someone selfishly or unethically.
• Withdrawn- Not friendly or Sociable. Aloof.