Whenever I make a post that has something to do with being ugly or insecure about my appearance, I get all these asks (anon and not) telling me I’m not and that I’m pretty or whatever. It’s so frustrating because I really don’t like people sending me pity messages. But then again, I guess some part of me wants the pity if I’m putting it online for all to see.
Somehow over the years, Nutella has become a symbol for me. I can’t even think of eating it without considering how in appealing I look and how hopeless my worries are. So anytime I eat it, you’ll know I’m in a fairly heavy state of self-deprecative thoughts and severely lacking self-esteem. I managed to eat half a jar this weekend, simply because I lost the will to care. I’m currently finding it very hard to keep my sense of hope and self-esteem to even a level of what might be considered below average.
I don’t really have anything to say about that, I’m just forcing myself to post about it.
I’d like to say that this hasn’t happened to me before, but I feel this all the time. Sometimes I have a lot of trouble coming up with reasons why people should like me, so it makes little to no logical sense why they would actually want too be my friend. Also people have just told me they did not like me after a lengthy period of being my friend, and that they didn’t like me for a significant portion of that time. So I guess on some psychological level the fear can be justified, to some extent.